Bug Spray

I've been trying really hard to change habits, primarily with the aim of looking after myself a little better.

I banned myself from having crisps for the whole of April. Those who know me will know what a massive achievement that was for me, given that I am a self-confessed crisps addict. I've tried to go cold turkey before, but have barely lasted a couple of days.

Dechox, on the other hand - that's a month without chocolate - I've managed that every year since 2017, easy peasy. But a crisps ban? It seemed impossible.

But I did it, and I'm so proud of myself. Even now, when I'm allowed to have them again, I've significantly reduced how many I consume, which is a huge shift from the way I used to binge before. I'm even considering more regular bans, just so I don't feel tempted to fall back into the old routines.

The ban was also an opportunity to start paying more attention to what I eat and how much (or, at the time, how little) I move. Basically, I wasn't feeling good about myself, so I decided to lock in and make the change.

Now, I'm eating less, moving more, and making good progress.

There's a particular technique I've been using, which I've found has really helped.

Let it bug you until you do it.

Now, that's probably no huge revelation, and now I think about it, I probably have been doing it for a long time, but it's only now that I'm acknowledging it.

Specifically, when I know I need to work out to close the rings on my watch for the day, I can't stop thinking about it until I do it. Even now, as I’m writing this, I’m very aware that my walk only took care of about half of my quota for the day, and that I’ll need to make up the difference before I can settle.

Beyond that, it's bled into my daily life, for more than just exercise. Whether it's doing the washing up, or packing my lunch ready for work, I let it get inside my head, to the point where I can't relax until it's done.

Even my writing. The words I'm typing right now have been buzzing around in my head all day, echoing in my ears and refusing to be quiet until I got them out.

That's been the case for a few of the pieces I've written recently, including something I've been working on away from here. It all started with one scene, which formed almost out of nowhere and has been floating around in my head for the last few weeks. I'm the process of writing the lead up to that scene, admittedly in fits and starts. I have a rough outline in my head, but have struggled to get it written down, so I've been trying to let it fill my brain until the sentences form themselves and beg to be written. I'm not even sure if I'll ever share it when it's finished, I might keep it private. But the point is, I've been putting my newfound technique to work and letting it bug me.

And, for the most part, it has been working. It's almost a way of holding myself accountable, that gentle but repetitive nudge to keep me moving in the right direction.

Admittedly, this isn't going to be a magic solution for every situation. I can already think of something that bugs me on a regular basis, that has the potential to drive me crazy, but that I still do my best to resist.

But small, everyday things?

It's just the right kind of annoying to make me reach for the bug spray (metaphorically speaking).

Now Playing: One Chance - Adam Hender