The Creased Pages

Deja Vu. ‘A feeling of having already experienced the present situation.’ This seems to be a recurring thing for me. Not only in the spooky ‘ooh I think I’ve dreamed about this’ way, but also in the actual ‘this keeps happening, why do I keep letting this happen, oh my gosh, I’m such an idiot’ way. History seems to repeat itself quite a bit in my life, even if initially it seems like it won’t. It’s like my life is going around in circles.

I often have battles with my own willpower. If I'm making a conscious effort to try and avoid doing something, my brain will immediately find a way to make it ten times harder. I guess that's just basic human nature, really. I may have talked about this before, but I've been thinking about it a lot over the last couple of weeks. There are a couple of things I'm struggling over at the moment, in a way it feels like I'm trying to keep control of myself, which is easier said than done. For example, I'm challenging myself to not eat chocolate every other month this year, as I like to tell anyone who'll listen. I've started that this month, and it is getting a little easier to deal with as time goes on, despite the odd craving. Although, it does help that it's being overshadowed by something else that's occupying my mind.

I can't deny that I'm a very emotional person. It's so obvious; it would be pointless even trying to deny it. In school, I was the cry-baby of the class. It really wouldn't take much to set me off, which is quite embarrassing to admit. I was the goody-two-shoes of the class too; I was never really told off properly, so I can't even blame it on that. Although, thinking about it, maybe that would have helped toughen me up a bit. I haven't exactly grown out of being that fuzzball of emotion, but it has adapted and is focused around slightly less trivial things. Thankfully I'm no longer of an age where I go all teary if I'm told I have to eat those spaghetti hoops in my school dinner, whether I like them or not. (Yes. I was that bad.) While I don't burst into tears at the smallest thing like I used to, I do still let things go to heart more than I should. To paraphrase McBusted: I'm just a sensitive girl.