The Creased Pages

As I sit here, watching the cursor flashing, trying to think of what to write, my mind is bulging with an array of different thoughts and feelings. Okay, I know, when are they not? It's the start of the Easter weekend, 4 days off work, so I started this morning in a relatively good mood. Unfortunately, that quickly changed. I'm now at a point where I'm glad I've not been at work, even more than I normally would be, because the mood I'm currently in is one where every little thing is pissing me off. It's a mood I've been overwhelmed by a number of times recently, and it doesn't feel at all healthy, especially given the source of it. It is so apparent to me that my mood, my chance of happiness, is dependent on - or rather, controlled by - someone else. And it's ridiculous that I should be allowing that to happen. I have this recurring problem in my personality where I become emotionally attached so easily, and in some cases it's so diff...

Deja Vu. ‘A feeling of having already experienced the present situation.’ This seems to be a recurring thing for me. Not only in the spooky ‘ooh I think I’ve dreamed about this’ way, but also in the actual ‘this keeps happening, why do I keep letting this happen, oh my gosh, I’m such an idiot’ way. History seems to repeat itself quite a bit in my life, even if initially it seems like it won’t. It’s like my life is going around in circles.

There are some things you can never let go of. No matter how much time has passed or what has happened since, there are certain things that will always stick in your mind. These things are all wrapped up into those crafty little devils we call feelings, almost like souvenirs.

I can't deny that I'm a very emotional person. It's so obvious; it would be pointless even trying to deny it. In school, I was the cry-baby of the class. It really wouldn't take much to set me off, which is quite embarrassing to admit. I was the goody-two-shoes of the class too; I was never really told off properly, so I can't even blame it on that. Although, thinking about it, maybe that would have helped toughen me up a bit. I haven't exactly grown out of being that fuzzball of emotion, but it has adapted and is focused around slightly less trivial things. Thankfully I'm no longer of an age where I go all teary if I'm told I have to eat those spaghetti hoops in my school dinner, whether I like them or not. (Yes. I was that bad.) While I don't burst into tears at the smallest thing like I used to, I do still let things go to heart more than I should. To paraphrase McBusted: I'm just a sensitive girl.